Fido (2007)

Director: Andrew Currie
Written By: Robert Chomiak & Andrew Currie
Starring: Carrie-Anne Moss (Memento, Chocolat, The Matrix), Billy Connolly (The Boondock Saints, White Oleander) Dylan Baker (Spiderman, Road to Perdition, Revolutionary Road), Tim Blake Nelson (O Brother, Where art Thou?, The Astronaut Farmer, A Foreign Affair) and Introducing Kesun Loder (billed as K'sun Ray).

Favorite Scene: Mom (played by Carrie-Ann Moss) shoots a bully in the bushes, gets nine shots out of a revolver.

Favorite Line: "Thanks to ZomCon, you can be a productive member of society...even after you're dead!"

When I began this blogging trip, I knew for a fact that not all the movies I reviewed were gonna suck. Some of them were going to be somewhat entertaining, some of them I was going to watch and review for nostalgic reasons (like Evil Dead)...and I love some shitty movies just because they're shitty, i.e.: Starship Troopers & Showgirls. Never did I expect to run across a brilliant, very entertaining film like Fido. I'd like to make fun of it...I really would. But it was just too damn good; plus, it lampoons itself, which as all bullies know takes all the fun out of the act of torture.

When you are flipping through channels looking for shitty movies to review on your blog, and you're a huge zombie movie fan, it's hard to pass up a zombie movie with relatively big, definitely talented stars like Carrie-Anne Moss, Billy Connolly and Tim Blake Nelson...it has shades of a big name ensemble cast sleeper like Boogie Nights, Rat Race and Lake Placid. So the record button is hit, the DVR is programmed, and when it comes time to watch either a zombie movie with the well-known stars or a werewolf movie with the well-known stars...it's time to flip a coin (or in this case, ask my girlfriend's 10-year-old if he had to choose between zombies and werewolves, which would it be?) He chose zombies, in case you're bored, stupid or both.

Now, if you're a fan of zombie movies, you know there's a few types of zombies; there are your classic slow but persistent zombies, like in Night of the Living Dead (which, by Romero's admission, was a smoke screened political film) and Dawn of the Dead (original=awesome, remake=crap) & Sean of the Dead (I had to watch that one twice to really appreciate it...awesome soundtrack); there are psycho, drug-induced zombies that run after your ass, like 28 Days Later...which is bullshit...I wanna outrun my zombies; there are "Holy shit!...That could happen!" zombies like in Serpent & the Rainbow (thank you Wes Craven); and then there are the zombies in Fido...a zombie movie unlike any other.

Quite a few years ago I stopped using the phrase "now I've seen everything" because--in my line of work--as soon as you say something like that, something unusual, unique or cool tends to happen, rendering the phrase moot. That, my friends, is Fido. It's set in that colorful, idyllic, "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down" decade that gave us Elvis Presley, T.V. in every home, and "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance--the '50s. Everything is in that odd technicolor that we so fondly associate with that decade, and when I say idyllic...I mean idyllic .

The movie opens with one of those old-time newsreel shorts detailing how awesome "post zombie war" life is thanks to ZomCon, a company that has developed a collar that, when worn by a zombie, neutralizes the zombie's craving for human flesh. Right away, I'm in love with this flick...'cuz I love movies that use those cheesy newsreels (Southpark, Starship Troopers, The Hudsucker Proxy). These collars work like miracles, rendering the zombies harmless, therefore turning them into pet-like slaves, until the red light goes off ("call ZomCon right away, or hit your ZomCon panic button"), at which time the zombies "go wild" and eat whoever is closest. The main character is a boy named Timmy (played by Kesun Loder...remember his name...he's going places), and his class is visited by Mr. Bottoms, the new CEO of ZomCon. He assures everybody that ZomCon is the best thing to happen to their town, because without ZomCon "we'd all be dead...and then where would we be?" To which the class answers "Dead" in unison. It's double entendres like that all throughout the movie, and it's cinematic gold, in my opinion. Ultimately, Timmy's family gets a zombie (brilliantly played by Billy Connolly) due to mom's desire to keep up with the Joneses (or, in this case, the Buttonses), much to dad's chagrin (the first and only zombie dad had to kill was his own father, when he was 11, causing him to be phobic of zombies).

Timmy's a weird kid, picked on by these two bully brothers who wear Boy Scout uniforms throughout the entire film, and when he tries to play ball with his family's new zombie, he gets frustrated that it can't catch, so he goes for a walk. Well, the bullies find him and start to beat the shit out of him (they also pointed a loaded rifle at him during "outside education", which consists of zombie target practice...gotta be prepared, just in case), at which time his zombie comes to his rescue, breaking one of the bully's arms in the process. Timmy and the zombie bond instantly, and Timmy notices that his new friend is carrying a baseball glove; "Wanna play catch, boy?" But again, zombies can't catch, so it's the next best thing: "Well, if you can't catch, then you're gonna have to fetch". Fido goes after the ball, which has rolled under the town busybody's bench, his collar malfunctions, he eats the busybody (Mrs. Henderson), and that's that. We're gonna have ourselves a free-range zombie on our hands.

Timmy, as any normal 10 or 11 year old kid would do, covers it up, even narrowly escaping getting caught when Mr. Bottoms (the ZomCon big wig) sees blood on Fido's face:
"Where'd that blood on that zombie come from, son?"
"Nosebleed."
"That's not a fresh zombie, only fresh zombies bleed."
"It was my nose that was bleeding."
"...why the hell did you wipe your blood on the zombie?"
Timmy is then saved by Mr. Bottoms daughter, who begs to be taken to ballet class.

It's like that throughout; Timmy has to decapitate Mrs. Henderson and bury her in a garden to avoid getting caught, but not before she eats a guy walking his dog; the bullies tie up Timmy and Fido, only to turn into zombies themselves, at which time Timmy sends Fido to get mom..."tell mom there's trouble, boy"; mom kills the zombie bullies, gets wrapped up in a mutually felt crush on Fido (dad doesn't pay attention to them at all); dad is completely obsessed with funerals, because only 10% of people have them, the rest "go zombie".

The dialogue is amazing, the photography is brilliant, and the characters share a dynamic that happens once in a blue moon. This movie is sort of a Night of the Living Dead meets Lassie meets Pleasantville. It's shot mostly during the day, which is completely unheard of in the zombie genre, it has a storyline that grabs you and doesn't let go...it's unique.

Some of my favorite things about this movie: Mr. Theopolis (Tim Blake Nelson) has a zombie girlfriend named Tammy (Sonja Bennett) who he dresses in short shorts and who "died of an anyeurism...they slapped that collar on her before she hit the ground...almost no decomp"; there's actually a zombie leash law...go figure; there's a scene where Timmy and Fido are washing dad's car...mom comes out with a glass of lemonade for Timmy...sees how much fun he's having with his zombie and goes back in the house to grab two more glasses...to join in the fun; Mom delivers lines like "You crazy, wonderful zombie!" and (upon seeing Fido's collar is malfunctioning), "how come you're not eating me, zombie?" Nice.

Perhaps the best part of the film is the ending. It's discovered that Fido did, in fact, eat Mrs. Henderson, so he's gotta go back to ZomCon. Mr. Bottoms tells Timmy that he could send him and his whole family to the "wild zone", which is apparently where they send offenders of ZomCon's laws. Timmy finds out Fido's still alive (apparently when zombies go wild, they get euthanized...makes sense, when you think about it), recruits Mr. Theopolis to help him get into ZomCon (Fido's working in the collar factory...evidently Mr. Bottoms "never wastes a good zombie"), and, somewhat predictably, gets caught by Mr. Bottoms, who takes him out back of the factory and puts him on the other side of the "fenceline" where the wild zombies roam the "wild zone". "Go make some friends!" he tells Timmy. Along come Dad and Fido to the rescue, Dad gets shot, and Fido eats Mr. Bottoms, fade to black.

Fade up, it's one of those goofy, happy '50s bar-b-que scenes, with Mr. Theopolis and his beloved Tammy, Mom, Timmy and the new baby (Mom was pregnant, Dad thought she was just getting fat). Along comes Mrs. Bottoms and little Cindy Bottoms with their new zombie in tow, coincidentally enough, it's Mr. Bottoms. "Cool new zombie, Cindy...what's his name?" Timmy asks. "I really haven't given him a name yet...I've just been calling him 'Daddy'" A swift jerk of the leash causes Mr. Bottoms to pay better attention to the situation, he passes by Fido, they exchange a menacing glance, Timmy says "does your zombie play catch?" Happy music, end credits.

Like I said, this is the most unique zombie movie I've ever seen. There's an element of pathos and empathy where Fido is concerned...he's almost still in there, you know? The acting is top-notch...it's a really good movie. Perhaps my favorite element of it all is that everybody's so blatantly matter-of-fact about the whole thing, as if to say "Hey, we're Americans...this is how we handle shit". And if you think about it...that's probably how we really would handle it, turning zombies into slaves.

My advice: see this movie when you get a chance. I caught it on the Sundance channel, so there's a possibility it'll come back around soon; or better yet, if you have NetFlix, make it happen. You won't be disappointed. Thanks for playing along, go check out the trailer: Fido